The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
