worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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