Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
