So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
