Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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