Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
