Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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