Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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