Sponge bath it is.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
