my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
