I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You're like the curious george of whores
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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