I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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