Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
