At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
