Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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