We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
