nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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