I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
