I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
