Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
