I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
