Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
