she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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