I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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