Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
