I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
