Even the bartender felt bad for me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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