He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
