drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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