You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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