I look better un-naked...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
