I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
