Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
