Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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