its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
