I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
