why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
