We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
