just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
