New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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