I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
