the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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