When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
where am i from again
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
