Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
