I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
