My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
