i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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