just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
