at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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