You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
